Friday, May 07, 2004

S IS FOR ....

Well, you'll never guess.

Today is Friday (thank Buddha!) and that means it's culinary alphabet soup day. Chef Grace, The Friday Chef has designated this particular Friday as S is for Seafood day. Being the Tuna that I am, I think it would be somewhat tacky to offer up a set of instructions for eating ME, or my aquatic pals. That would be like serving Minnie and Moo some steak tartare. It just isn't done. It's Tacky -- which is a bird of a different feather. Or something.

And besides, when have I ever submitted an actual recipe for food Friday?

But I am a team player, and I have something that fits in just perfectly with today's theme.

S is for Crabby and Nabby!

Aren't they cute? Crabby is the boy crab on the left, and Nabby is the girl crab on the right with the long flirty eyelashes and the come hither half-smile. Crabby and Nabby are part of a nature series, educating kids on animals found in or near the seashore.

Crabby and Nabby, the very first book in the series, tells about the life-cycle of the blue crab in a very cute if not occasionally hinky kind of way. One reason I love Crabby and Nabby and the other books in this series is because of their unabashed use of CAPS LOCK! In Crabby and Nabby CAPS LOCK is used to talk about MAN, who is generally not the friendliest character on the block. In later books, CAPS LOCK is used for HELPFUL HUMANS -- a much more positive approach, albeit with a sledgehammer (font-istically speaking).

Here is a portion of their heartwarming tale:


"Crabby and Nabby were two blue crabs. They swam and ate and lived in the water all of the time. Crabby was a jimmy crab and Nabby was a she-crab..."

Arrrgh! I keep typing "crap" instead of "crab"

"Crabby was crabby


because he only had two little claws. One was a little hard claw, and the other one was a little soft one just beginning to grow back. You see Crabby had an accident

(in the war)

--- one day he bumped into a big fish and lost both his claws. But when crabs lose their claws, they can grow them back!"

Do you suffer the embarassment of having a little soft claw? A new day is dawning. Crab-agra is here. For those times when only a bigger harder claw will do.....HINKY!

"Nabby had two large claws. She could easily catch plenty of food....So Crabby and Nabby swam along until they saw a school of fish....There was lots of food for Crabby and Nabby....Crabby's claws grew bigger and stronger. And Nabby began to get bigger and bigger under her shell from eating so much food. She was getting too big for her house!"

In this picture, Crabby has this totally lecherous grin happening and Nabby looks like she just ate 12 pizzas and drank a two-liter of Mountain Dew. She's Nabby the Hutt!

"Nabby was becoming a "buster crab." Her shell was cracking more and more. It was time for her to be a soft crab! But wait

(insert Ginsu knife pause)

--- it was more than that! It was time for Nabby to be a mama crab. She was old enough to have little crabs."


"Crabby knew it was that time. (How he knew, nobody knew)"


"Nabby turned and twisted and slipped out of her shell backwards! Now she was a soft crab. Everything likes to eat soft crabs -- birds, fish, snakes, MAN (CAPS LOCK, YO!) and even other crabs! But along came a MAN (WOOT) with a dip net!

(as opposed to a dip with a ... nevermind)

"Oh, there's a 'doubler' -- two crabs together," he said to himself. "I will catch me some crabs two at a time."

'I will catch me some crabs.' Dang! Not only is he a MAN, but he's a GOOBER as well.

"But Crabby was too quick for that MAN! (CAPS LOCK AND ALL) He carried Nabby and swam quickly to deeper water."

Exciting, eh?

"Crabby picked up Nabby and cuddled her again -- this time upside down....

Danger ... Warning ... hinky levels rising ...

"And just like that, Crabby and Nabby became Mr. & Mrs. Blue Crab!"


You know when you're reading a bedtime story for the first time, and you're tired and not really paying attention, and you just sort of trip along blah-de-blah, it sounds something like "And just like that, Crabby and Nabby became Mr. & Mrs. Blue Crab! WHAT???"....and then we all burst into gales of laughter. And read it again. And laughed again. Except TinyTuna who kept asking "What's so funny??" Yessirree, Mr. & Mrs. Blue Crab. Seriously, in this picture, the only thing missing is Crabby's cigarette. For the record, Nabby is look pretty pleased herself, eyelashes and all.

Now I can't give away the ending, so I think each and every one of you should go plunk down your $4.95 ($79.83 Canadian) and get yourself a copy.

Maybe next week: Oozey Octopus : A Tale of a Clever Critter.

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