Thursday, February 26, 2004


There’s going to be a hot time in the old town tonight.

Plans are underway to destroy the infamous foul ball that destroyed the dreams of Chicago Cubby fans everywhere this past fall. The thought being, destroy the ball, destroy the curse, and then maybe the Cubs can win something.

The morning news had reported that the plan was to burn the ball. I immediately wondered if there would be enough room on the pyre for the Detroit Lions and Tigers too. I mean, as long as we’re cleaning house. The news article, however, says it is going to be blown up. Not only that, the baseball executioner has been blowing up a dozen baseballs a day, just to be sure then when the time comes, “it will be destroyed in a way that there will be a big mess.”

Personally, I thought the “big mess” was what they wanted to get rid of in the first place. I know that would be my goal. I must admit that I like the idea of a ceremonial purging to make things right. Got a curse? Blow it up or burn it to the ground. I know my personal Viking pyre would be more bloated than a double-stuffed pizza. Memory-filled socks, Piles of papers, Things no longer useful, operational, hip or trendy. All gone the instant match meets lighter fluid. It's very appealing.

But because I know my collecting, saving and storing far outpaces my culling, sorting and tossing, a bonfire wouldn’t really solve my problem. I can’t destroy the curse of clutter with a stick of dynamite and a detonator. I need to roll up my sleeves, dive into the pile and face my demons. Yes, I bought these football helmet shaped finger Jello molds! Oh yeah, and the Easter egg ones too. Yes, it’s my fault that I still have TinyTuna’s tap shoes from first grade! Maternity clothes? Yep, still have them. Why? Lord only knows. But I do know they were stylin’ (as stylin’ could be for maternity clothes) back in the mid 90s. My name is GreenTuna and I'm a packrat. No doubt about it. It would be a lot of work, but hopefully in the end, I would feel as if it was worth the time, trouble and trauma.

Still…that flame-thrower looks awfully good.

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