Wednesday, December 17, 2003

I SAW MOMMY KISSING SANTA CLAUS ~~ A FaLaLaLaLas Celebration of Holiday Stories and Songs

(Lyrics by T. Connor)

I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistletoe last night.
She didn’t hear me creep down the stairs to have a peep.
She thought that I was tucked up in my bedroom fast asleep.

Then I saw Mommy tickle Santa Claus underneath his beard so snow white.
Oh what a laugh it would have been, if Daddy had only seen
Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night.

All lyrics are the property and copyright of their respective owners.
All lyrics are provided for educational purposes and personal use only.


When I was a little GreenTuna, The Sears Mediterranean-style stereo console always got a big workout during the holiday season. I played two albums ad nauseum. The first was “Twas the Night Before Christmas” by Fred Waring and the Pennsylvanians. It had several holiday classics with lyrical mixed-choir singing and tight vocal harmonies. The title song – the entire 1822 Clement Clarke Moore poem – had a little of everything: slow parts, fast parts, sultry parts and upbeat jazzy parts. The entire story was played out in song before your eyes, or more specifically, your ears. This album was really slick.

The other album I loved was “Holiday Sing Along with Mitch”. This 1972 classic was one of several albums Mitch Miller released with his sing-along “gang”. Listening to this album, it was evident that his gang consisted of fifty angry men, singing – nay, shouting -- songs at the top of their lungs, and all in the name of holiday cheer. Being a two-record set, this album was loaded with two styles of Christmas songs: SLOW SHOUTED songs or FAST SHOUTED songs. That was it. Who needed more variety than that? It was a sing-along, after all.

I don’t know why I loved that album so much. But I think a part of it had to do with that innate sense of torture each child feels compelled to force upon parents and siblings alike. If mom hates it? Then you betcha, I LOVE it! Does it drive my brother crazy? Play it again, Sam! Err, Mitch! Sing it, angry guys, and I’ll sing along, just like you. Really. Damn. Loud.

And being a kid, it should be no surprise that the louder I sang, the funnier it me. Of course, I had the volume on the Mediterranean-style stereo console cranked, because what is funny at level seven is pee-your-pants tear-flowing, side-hurting can’t-breathe hysterical at level eleven. Predictably and sadly, my family found absolutely no humor in my screamissimo renderings of Christmas standards. Those Scrooges just never understood that peace on earth would just have to wait until Mitch, his gang and I had finished our holiday shouting.

Now, with some songs, especially of the sing-a-long variety, the screech version makes total sense. Nothing says “come join in the seasonal sacrifice of the vocal chords” like fifty angry men blasting away at the top of their lungs:


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FIVE ------- GOLD -------- RINGS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The song that always cracked me up was the tender ballad “I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus.” It was perfection in poetry because it had two key elements: Santa Claus and kids sneaking out of bed. I never cared about the mistletoe part, or the kissing part, or the fact that if Daddy had been a witness to Mommy’s dalliances with the Jolly Old Elf, she’d be busy finding herself a lawyer. Fortunately Mitch and His Gang didn’t give a damn either, because they hollered that song with the same gusto they hollered every other one. And if it was good enough for the fifty angry men, then dad gum, it was good enough for me.

In the meantime, I think I may look into getting myself a CD copy of this “Holiday Sing Along”. I'm happy to report that it has been rereleased for your listening pleasure, and you can catch a sample here -- just be sure to play it really, really loud. Now you too can join forces with Mitch and his gang.

And in case you’re wondering if what goes around has returned to come around again, the answer is yes. TinyTuna has her favorite, and my torture is Alvin and the Chipmunks. Me, I want a hula-hoop? No. Me, I want a shotgun. But I let her have her fun and make her own Christmas memories. I just wish it wasn’t so Really. Damn. Loud.

Make yourself at home Santa, while I put on
some holiday favorites to get us in the mood.
You're going to love the Chipmunks......

Other FaLaLaLaLa Offerings of 2003
~~ The Tale of the Flaming Pig ~~
~~ The Tale of the Bloody Keys ~~
~~ The First Noel ~~

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