Friday, October 10, 2003

Feet


Yes indeedy. Feet. Two days later and I'm still shaking my head and having the shivers over Wednesday's West Wing episode. Amy, as you recall, was in Josh's office blathering on despite his repeated requests to Shut.Up. Amy finally achieves Shut.Upness by removing her shoes, sitting down and plopping her bare feet on the White House Deputy Chief of Staff's desk. The editors (I hate you guys) give us a long close up of "this little piggy". Finally our hero Josh can't take it any more. Does he tell her to get her skank feet off his desk? No. He kisses her. Ew. Eww. Ewww.

What is it about feet? I am admittedly conflicted on the subject. On the one hand, when I'm home, the shoes are off. Always. Dead of winter? Shoes are off. Summertime? Shoes are off. I'll wear shoes to mow the lawn, but at home, that's about it. Now, being out in public is a different matter entirely. Shoes are most definitely on. I don't need to parade my feet in front of the world at large. Pedicured or not, shoes (or sandals in the summer) stay on.

Which brings me to pedicures. Uber-Auntie Tuna enjoys giving me massive amounts of grief over the idea of a pedicure. Yes, I know they are supposed to be heavenly. Yes, I know they are supposed to feel wonderful and pampering. And yes, I've never had one. She thinks it is because I don't like people touching my feet. It really isn't that at all. It's just that somehow I feel enormous guilt sitting on a throne while some poor shmoe has to wash, buff, trim and paint my feet. In my twisted sense of right, wrong and Ewww --- I think making my foot care somebody else's responsibility is just ... Ewww. For those of you who love and cherish your pedicures, huzzah. I don't begrudge anybody personal pampering. It just isn't for me.

Libraries are known for goofballs with foot issues. You may stop laughing now. Many an art magazine has been vandalized by some foot loving nutcase brandishing a pair of scissors. What do they do? Cut out the feet in the pictures. Why? Dunno. What do they do with them? Dunno. Probably glue them in their feet shrine scrap book or something. Most definitely Ewwww.

Musically, I don't have anything really that relates to feet ("Thank God!" I hear you cry). Best thing I have is a humorous story. There is a twentieth-century composition called "Four minutes, Thirty-Three Seconds" by John Cage. It is a performance art kind of piece in three movements. The performer walks onstage, opens the piano lid, and then sits in silence. After awhile, the performer closes the lid. That's the first movement. Movement Two? Open lid. Sit. Close Lid. Third movement? Same. The "music" of the performance comes from whatever audience sounds are made while the lid is open. That's the piece. Yeah. Heh. Anyway. On the cover of the music (yes, you have to BUY this piece), it says 4' 33" (four minutes, thirty three seconds). Once somebody actually asked if we had the piece "Four feet, thirty three inches." Hee. Well, it was funny to us snobby musical types anyway...

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