Saturday, October 18, 2003

Follow the Logic Brick Road

No wonder my head hurts. I sat down tonight and looked over the Friday edition of the University news. The front page headline reads: Bible Week Resolution Debated. You can read the entire article for yourself, but allow me to recap: The Tunaville city council approved a resolution recognizing the last week of November, as “Bible Week.” Predictably, some members of Tunaville thought this was a bonehead idea, because it violated all sorts of principles, including that pesky separation of church and state. Equally predictably, the elected members began to backpedal as fast as they possibly could.

In defending the resolution, the Mayor of Tunaville said, "This simply says for those individuals who wish to read the Bible during the week, it's a good week to do it." Another Tunaville official assured the citizens that the city doesn't directly endorse the week and won't host any activities.

So, by approving this resolution, what Tunaville officials are really doing is checking their calendars. When the last weekend of November rolls around, they point and say “There it is! I recognize it! It’s right over there! I’d recognize that week anywhere.” But would the officials then alert the citizenry to the fact that this would be a good week to dust off King James and read all the begats? No, I think not. We might confuse alerting with endorsing, and then we’d have a big mess on our hands. I suppose the Tuna council would have to wait until its citizenry wondered aloud if they should read their bible. At this point, the Tuna government at large might be heard to mumble loudly in reply, “it’s a good week to do it” to no one in particular -- lest they be accused of endorsing any activities.

By following this logic, approving a resolution by recognition does not mean endorsing a resolution by action. Ergo, the Tunaville Council could approve anything under the sun, because it means --- Nothing. The council could approve a resolution recognizing the sixth week of Octember as “Stomp on a squirrel week.” It doesn’t mean they endorse squirrel stomping. Au contraire. It simply means, if you, as a citizen, were contemplating stomping on a squirrel, it would be a good week to do it.

But what if your schedule was just too booked for squirrel stomping? What if you were out of town? Would the following week be a good week to do it as well, or would it somehow be inferior – or worse – would it be unrecognizable?

Official #1: What is that citizen doing?
Official #2: It looks as if he is taking large steps atop a small furry rodent with a large fluffy tail.
Official #1: What does it mean?
Official #2: I don’t know sir. If he had done it last week, I’d surely recognize it. But today, it simply confuses me.

Furthermore, where’s the excitement in doing something when everybody else is doing it at the same time? Squirrel stomping wouldn’t be half the fun if the entire city was doing it during the same week. It would just be messy. Activities like squirrel stomping should be spread out among the citizenry. I’ll stomp squirrels this week. You stomp squirrels next week. It’s twice the fun. However, maybe other activities, like oh say, Bible reading, shouldn’t be confined to a single seven-day period. I bet The Holy Powers that Be think the last week of November is indeed a good week to read the bible. But I bet they also think the following week is a good week too…and the week after that. I honestly don't think, though, that our illustrious Tunaville mayor has to worry about endorsing much of anything during the last week of Novemember. Our major concerns are: Turkey and stuffing, the Lion’s point spread against Green Bay, and being one of the first 200 people through the door at 5:00am for the Day-After-Thanksgiving Day Christmas Sales.

Let us pray.
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