Friday, October 17, 2003

Queen for a Day

Thank God and all that. I'm beat and ready for the weekend. My restful day of from teaching resulting in being slammed at work, and then having to shop for the dreaded Halloween costume. I'll cut to the chase: We got the costume. But not without visiting four separate places and having a near meltdown in the Disney Store.

We tried generic department store number one. No costumes unless you're an infant. I could have guessed that. The saleswoman suggested Target. Off to Target. Where are the costumes? As far away from the front door as humanly possible. Hours later, we reach the costumes. Pickings are slim, and the largest size is a kids medium. This won't work. TinyTuna is getting sad. We decide to go to the Disney store to buy the rose crown we had seen earlier. Hello Disney store. Rose crowns? Sold out. It figures. Well, let's look at what's left. The answer? Not much. The usual array of "princess dresses" (sparkly, big poofy skirt kind of thing, huge twirl factor) go for about $34. It's more than I want to pay by a mile, but at this point, I'm ready to grab one and bail. TinyTuna spots a frock. Wowzer. Very fancy-shmancy. I call it "Betsy Ross Goes to the Prom." We try it on. TinyTuna is in heaven. She is alternately curtseying, promenading and grand jetee-ing all over the store. My eyes are rolling to the back of my head. GramTuna notices the sign says 33% off. I'm thinking ok, this could be my savior. But then -- You knew this was coming, didn't you -- GramTuna takes another look at the rack of these particular dresses. Evidently, these aren't "regular" princess dresses. These are "deluxe" princess dresses. And you guessed it, they come with one deluxe price tag. This sucker is $85. I am not kidding. Even at 33% off, you are talking in the neighborhood of $57, plus tax. No way in hell. I stop TinyTuna in mid-leap. I explain the cost of the dress. Tears. I explain that like lots of things, we have to choose how we spend our money. Tears. I tell her we aren't going to buy this dress. It wouldn't even fit her in another six months, and it is way too much to spend on one piece of clothing that she will wear for 2 hours. More tears. To her credit, though, she took the dress off, and said she understood as we trudged sadly back to the car.

Note: I did NOT explain to her that the actual cost of material for this dress was probably $5, and they probably paid some 14 year old kid a quarter an hour to sew the thing. Disney? You have more money than you know what to do with. Mickey says price gouging sucks.

GramTuna, meanwhile, has lost her mind. She attempts to engage TinyTuna in "let's think of other things we can be for Halloween. You don't HAVE to be princesses." I wonder if GramTuna is on crack. GramTuna launches her "we could get a big flannel shirt, and a hat, and you could get some straw and a big pillow and you could be a scarecrow" routine. I nearly laugh out loud. The silence from TinyTuna is deafening. No scarecrow. No to the pirate idea, No to the wear a box and be a Christmas Present idea, No to the football player idea. I'm keeping my mouth shut.

Next. Local store of we-clear-everything-else-out-once-a-year-to-sell-Halloween-Crap. Well, there are costumes here. We grab several bags of the generic queen / princess / fancy dancer variety that have long twirly skirts. She finds one. She likes it. Thank God. I'd tell you what or who it is but I don't recall. TinyTuna is calling herself "Queen Isabella". Good enough for me. She wants to wear it home. Nope, says mean mom. She wants to put it on as soon as she gets home. Fine, says had enough of Halloween for another calendar year mom. TinyTuna is thrilled. GreenTuna makes a beeline for the hard lemonade. GramTuna wins because she is not a princess (she is a queen. SNORT). TinyTuna wins because she has a long twirly dress with shiny sparkly gold trim (she tells me "it will look beautiful in the moonlight." Whatever). GreenTuna wins because there are four more hard lemonades in the fridge, and Survivor is on. All is right with the world.

More later. I promise.
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